Welcome to the future

Where to begin? Firstly, my poor blog has been neglected; shoved to the back burner along with eating well, running 5 miles a day and giving a darn about peripheral wellness practices. Not good, but life has taken a few abrupt turns and those habits seem to have flown out the window like an oily croissanwich wrapper. What became of those practices anyway? They are probably residing in a ditch somewhere in the middle of a cornfield. While these are things that once meant so much to me, I have struggled to maintain even the loosest version of my former lifestyle of late. That being said, I am now sitting in the pharmacy waiting to get a flu shot and writing this entry. Gotta do SOMETHING for my health. Life changes of the magnitude that I am experiencing are surreal. Much like pregnancy, birth, getting settled into a new job or residence, these times creep by allowing one to ponder the gamut of queries; guesses and second guesses, doubts, and worried projections... Yet at future recollection, these moments are wrapped up in a package in our minds, adorned with general attributions of the period, perhaps as a cognitive mechanism. I am presently lingering in the former era, waiting and hoping, wondering what possibilities exist for the future and trying like hell to stay busy. Being a positive thinker is tricky during times such as these. Having always been somewhat forward thinking and future oriented, not knowing is torturous. Not that I had a solid, play by play plan Installed in my life, but there were certainties in my mind. Reassessing my certainties, I realize that everything has changed and this brings a surge of self doubt and critical thinking. Those whose love and support I was certain of have vanished. Calendars full of planned events scrapped; the dust is settling, but a vacancy has emerged. Negative feelings tempt me. This new space in my future has the potential to be any number of wonderful realities, but at this stage it just feels lonely. Perhaps when I Stop reeling my outlook will improve. Till then I am trying to plan only to be surprised.