While playing with Leggos at the dining room table the natural light coming from the large window faded. Fox exclaimed, "got dark!". I asked him why it got darker, and he replied, "sun went behind cloud".
Surprised and impressed that he had retained one of my ramblings, I joyously praised him.
I decided to gauge exactly how much info on the subject he had retained and asked, "what are clouds made of?"
Without hesitation Fox proclaimed, "clouds made of beef".
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
10/22/2008 Ice Pack for President
My 2 year old son has finally started paying off in the entertainment department. For the longest time babies just want to eat, sleep, get a new diaper, pitch a fit then start over again, but my son has graduated to the next level of rudimentary banter.
Each day at least one hilarious thing comes out of his mouth. I don't want to turn him into a laugh-o-meter, Bobby Hill style Ham, but I usually allow myself an initial ten minutes laughing at the remark with Fox, then secretly erupt in laughter through out the remainder of that day. Last week after staring at his oatmeal for twenty minutes, I asked him to hurry and finish up so we could go outside. He said "no! I can't" and wrinkled his nose while covering his eyes as if it would make the dish cease to exist. I asked him why he didn't want to eat something he normally asked for seconds of, and he said "Cause, cause it's broken!"
"The oatmeals broken?", I confirmed, and Fox nodded his head with a overly expressed look of disappointment on his face.
A few days later he was in his high chair screaming "EAT!! EAT!!" and I asked him what he wanted. He looked around for clues, and then said "food". I asked him how a peanut butter and jelly sandwich sounded and he said "uh huh! Birthday cake sandwich!" Although it was a delicious idea, I decided to just put extra jelly on his PB&J.
I have noticed that whenever we are around dogs, Fox usually ends up telling them that they are "yucky", and pointing at them while saying "shoo!". I thought it was strange only because Fox doesn't voice disgust at much of anything other than the toilet or the diaper bin. Otherwise I agree with his general assessment of dogs. Last week while spending time with my mom and her troop of shizus, Fox began pointing and saying "yucky, poo-poo! Yuk!". The dog thought Fox wanted to play so he rolled over exposing his belly and testicles. Fox screamed and pointed towards the dog's black balls and shouted "POO_POO YUCKY! POO_POO! ICK!" So Fox thinks that all non-neutered male dogs have poop attached to them.
I also think that it is funny that no matter what is upsetting Fox, an ice pack seems to help. After I sneakily took his "special" blankie and put it into the wash for the first time in two months, Fox began looking around in all the usual places. Under his bed, in the bathroom floor, between the fridge and the wall, under the couch cushions.... When the blankie didn't turn up he became agitated and started whining. I explained that I had put the blanket into the washing machine and that after drying it would return it to his embrace. He continued whining, so I opened the washing machine to let him see his blanket submerged in water, sloshing around. For some reason this image upset Fox beyond explanation and it propelled him into a twenty minute hysterical fit. I tried all of my normal techniques without success, and finally asked him what would make him feel better.
"ICEPACK!" He screamed with renewed disdain.
A few days ago I was watching the presidential debate while Fox sat in the floor "playing cars". Whenever the candidates are on TV or their pictures appear on the newspaper Fox points and exclaims "Obamacain!"
He seems to think that whenever you see those two guys together it is called an Obamacain. He started watching the speech and paying attention to the shifts in conversation. After it was over I asked Fox which candidate he thought would make the nation better; Obama or McCain?
He looked around the room and smiled as he answered in a quiet tone; "ice pack".
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
11/4/2008 Modern Love Hard Living
While I was hanging the laundry out to dry my neighbor, Lee came over and visited me today. He told me about why I didn't see him yesterday and it was a pretty good story.
He said he awoke when someone knocked on his door at 10:30am. It was his friend, Craig's wife who wanted to ask a favor. Craig was in jail. She needed Lee to accompany her to pick him up.
Lee asked why the hell she didn't just go down there herself seeing as it was so early in the morning and he hadn't had his coffee yet. She said that
He said he awoke when someone knocked on his door at 10:30am. It was his friend, Craig's wife who wanted to ask a favor. Craig was in jail. She needed Lee to accompany her to pick him up.
Lee asked why the hell she didn't just go down there herself seeing as it was so early in the morning and he hadn't had his coffee yet. She said that
1. they wouldn't accept her bail seeing that he was in jail due to a domestic abuse charge by her, PLUS she already had a restraining order against him. and
2. in order to pick up a person from jail you had to have a valid drivers license. She did not. But she drove up in a car. Lee has no car, but has a valid drivers license.
He agreed and went to the police station and filled out the necessary paperwork to release Craig. Four hours later he was released on bail.
After they left they they went to some bar in town that gives you free wings as long as you are drinking beer, and they stayed there till the place closed. They ate chicken wings for almost nine hours!
I was so jealous.
Ohyeah. This weekend our friends were clearing out their storage stuff and in it was a round rug that said 'Oval Office' on and looked something like the emblem in the center of this
He really liked it and he hung it on his front door. I will definitely take a picture of it.
11/1/2008 Yesterday with Lee
After four days passed without seeing hide nor hair of my otherwise "in your face" neighbor Lee, I became concerned that he was in some sort of trouble. Fox and I went outside for our morning frolic and after digging in the sandbox for thirty or so minutes, we drifted into Lee's yard and made lots of noise.
Within thirty seconds Lee appeared in the doorway looking puffy and grey.
I told him that we wondered where he had been and if he was sick, and he said "Naw, I ain't been sick or nuthin. I've jus got heartache cuz a this girl a-mistreatin her little 10 year old son here at my house"
I have heard about this woman before.
Her son was born with some sort of thrush condition and was unable to nurse. Lee said he went fifteen days without breast feeding after he was born, then finally he took the baby to his grandmother who diagnosed the problem and immediately corrected it. That's the history from Lee's end.
So now, ten years later the baby has grown into a boy and the mother accepts no responsibility for the child's behavior or discipline. She verbally and physically abuses him and pushes him around, ignores him by shutting him up in his room with a video game console. Worst of all, she is trying to have the child diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder so she can involve him in an experimental drug study entitling her to compensation for his participation.
Lee has to censor the mother every time she comes by his house (to smoke or drink moonshine) by ordering her to stop abusing her son on the grounds that "I [Lee] don't allow NO fightin in my house cuz it's a sacred place"
That is some depressing stuff to be around! I completely understand why he feels so bad! He said he wanted to stop seeing this woman and forbid her from coming to his house, but he can't bear the thought of not being able to see the kid.
Fox and I sat and drank coffee with Lee for a half hour or so while discussing this issue (I drank coffee. Fox did not) and the conversation moved to happier topics. Lee was happy that his check was "a-comin tomorrow", and in an attempt to relate I added "Yeah- it's a good thing we get paid tomorrow too! We're nearly broke at the end of the month"
Although this statement was fundamentally true it was unnecessarily dramatic. We have a tight budget with little deviation. At the end of the month we sometimes have less that $100 in the checking account, but we are prepared and aware, so it's no big deal. No one has starved yet.
Lee proceeded to pull boxes of cereal and crackers from his cupboard and pile them into a plastic bag. He handed them to me and said "Lass month I got all this buy one get one free an now I'm sick of um so you take em"
The more I refused the more desperate Lee perceived me as. Finally he said "Girl, jus take em! I ain't gonna eat em!"
All of the boxes were unopened and had sharp corners, so I took them home, but before I left Lee exclaimed "Oh Yeah! An I got somethin else for ya!"
He reached in the freezer and pulled out a mason jar of amber tinted moonshine, opened it and poured two little shots. Then he poured half of it into a Dr. Enough bottle and handed it to me along with the shot.
I glanced at the digital clock on Lee's microwave and it was 10:42am. He handed me the big shot and I insisted we trade. I drank it and Lee explained; "this is scotch flavored moonshine. When they make it they use a certain kinda bark at the end to give it the flavor an color"
I agreed that it was very scotchy and that it would be perfect with a smoke, then adjourned across the street to my yard.
About thirty minutes later as I was giving Fox a snack Lee knocked on the door. He held out a white envelope, shoving it into my hand and mumbling something. I asked him what it was and he said "jus read it!!"
I came back inside and emptied the contents of the envelop onto the table. There was a rubber change purse crammed full of coins, mostly pennies, a note, five rolled tobacco cigarettes, and a government issue "food stamps" debit card.
The letter instructed me to go to the store, purchase a bag of potatoes using the debit card which held a balance of $2.75, the change which totaled around 85 cents, and my own money, then we would "split the spuds".
I suddenly realized that I was on the receiving end of Lee's charity.
I loaded Fox up and headed across the street to see if Lee wanted to ride to the store and get some potatoes.
We drove to the Grocery Outlet and bought a bag of potatoes which I contributed $2.05 towards. As soon as we got back Lee split them into two bags and told me that he was going to cook supper for Jason, Fox and I. I agreed and asked what I could do.
About 40 minutes later Lee showed up with a bowl of home fries wrapped in newspaper. He said "eat some now an save the rest for supper"
As soon as Jason got home from work Lee started bringing food over to my table including salmon cakes, fried okra, and cornbread. It was really good and I was happy not to have to cook supper.
After we ate Lee cleared the table of his pots and dishes, went home and we got Fox to bed. As Jason and I settled in to watch our new favorite show, Fringe, Lee knocked on the door. He wanted Jason to find out if "that spray chemical stuff, Free Breeze wuz on the stock market"
Neither of us had ever heard of a company called Free Breeze, so we just started googling.
Lee explained "it's like an air freshener spray, an they make candles, too"
"Febreeze!" I decoded.
"Yeah! That's whut I said" hollered Lee.
I said "I'm sure it's owned by Johnson Wax or Proctor and Gamble if you look on the stocks"
Shaking his head widely from left to right, Lee mouthed the word "ME" while pointing at himself repeatedly.
"I own that chemical! I bought it in Arizona right after them chemists made it on accident! I know it's doing real good cuz there's a commercial on for it almost every break!"
Jason and I didn't dare look at each other for fear of an explosion of laughter. Jason fiddled around a little bit more on the internet and then lamented that he wasn't able to get any stock information. Our dumb TV show was on and we were really trying to pay attention to it rather than focus on the ridiculousness Lee was talking.
As soon as Lee left we decided to try and diagnose Lee's condition using Wikipedia. The best explanation is he is suffers from psychosis with periods of mania.
Within thirty seconds Lee appeared in the doorway looking puffy and grey.
I told him that we wondered where he had been and if he was sick, and he said "Naw, I ain't been sick or nuthin. I've jus got heartache cuz a this girl a-mistreatin her little 10 year old son here at my house"
I have heard about this woman before.
Her son was born with some sort of thrush condition and was unable to nurse. Lee said he went fifteen days without breast feeding after he was born, then finally he took the baby to his grandmother who diagnosed the problem and immediately corrected it. That's the history from Lee's end.
So now, ten years later the baby has grown into a boy and the mother accepts no responsibility for the child's behavior or discipline. She verbally and physically abuses him and pushes him around, ignores him by shutting him up in his room with a video game console. Worst of all, she is trying to have the child diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder so she can involve him in an experimental drug study entitling her to compensation for his participation.
Lee has to censor the mother every time she comes by his house (to smoke or drink moonshine) by ordering her to stop abusing her son on the grounds that "I [Lee] don't allow NO fightin in my house cuz it's a sacred place"
That is some depressing stuff to be around! I completely understand why he feels so bad! He said he wanted to stop seeing this woman and forbid her from coming to his house, but he can't bear the thought of not being able to see the kid.
Fox and I sat and drank coffee with Lee for a half hour or so while discussing this issue (I drank coffee. Fox did not) and the conversation moved to happier topics. Lee was happy that his check was "a-comin tomorrow", and in an attempt to relate I added "Yeah- it's a good thing we get paid tomorrow too! We're nearly broke at the end of the month"
Although this statement was fundamentally true it was unnecessarily dramatic. We have a tight budget with little deviation. At the end of the month we sometimes have less that $100 in the checking account, but we are prepared and aware, so it's no big deal. No one has starved yet.
Lee proceeded to pull boxes of cereal and crackers from his cupboard and pile them into a plastic bag. He handed them to me and said "Lass month I got all this buy one get one free an now I'm sick of um so you take em"
The more I refused the more desperate Lee perceived me as. Finally he said "Girl, jus take em! I ain't gonna eat em!"
All of the boxes were unopened and had sharp corners, so I took them home, but before I left Lee exclaimed "Oh Yeah! An I got somethin else for ya!"
He reached in the freezer and pulled out a mason jar of amber tinted moonshine, opened it and poured two little shots. Then he poured half of it into a Dr. Enough bottle and handed it to me along with the shot.
I glanced at the digital clock on Lee's microwave and it was 10:42am. He handed me the big shot and I insisted we trade. I drank it and Lee explained; "this is scotch flavored moonshine. When they make it they use a certain kinda bark at the end to give it the flavor an color"
I agreed that it was very scotchy and that it would be perfect with a smoke, then adjourned across the street to my yard.
About thirty minutes later as I was giving Fox a snack Lee knocked on the door. He held out a white envelope, shoving it into my hand and mumbling something. I asked him what it was and he said "jus read it!!"
I came back inside and emptied the contents of the envelop onto the table. There was a rubber change purse crammed full of coins, mostly pennies, a note, five rolled tobacco cigarettes, and a government issue "food stamps" debit card.
The letter instructed me to go to the store, purchase a bag of potatoes using the debit card which held a balance of $2.75, the change which totaled around 85 cents, and my own money, then we would "split the spuds".
I suddenly realized that I was on the receiving end of Lee's charity.
I loaded Fox up and headed across the street to see if Lee wanted to ride to the store and get some potatoes.
We drove to the Grocery Outlet and bought a bag of potatoes which I contributed $2.05 towards. As soon as we got back Lee split them into two bags and told me that he was going to cook supper for Jason, Fox and I. I agreed and asked what I could do.
About 40 minutes later Lee showed up with a bowl of home fries wrapped in newspaper. He said "eat some now an save the rest for supper"
As soon as Jason got home from work Lee started bringing food over to my table including salmon cakes, fried okra, and cornbread. It was really good and I was happy not to have to cook supper.
After we ate Lee cleared the table of his pots and dishes, went home and we got Fox to bed. As Jason and I settled in to watch our new favorite show, Fringe, Lee knocked on the door. He wanted Jason to find out if "that spray chemical stuff, Free Breeze wuz on the stock market"
Neither of us had ever heard of a company called Free Breeze, so we just started googling.
Lee explained "it's like an air freshener spray, an they make candles, too"
"Febreeze!" I decoded.
"Yeah! That's whut I said" hollered Lee.
I said "I'm sure it's owned by Johnson Wax or Proctor and Gamble if you look on the stocks"
Shaking his head widely from left to right, Lee mouthed the word "ME" while pointing at himself repeatedly.
"I own that chemical! I bought it in Arizona right after them chemists made it on accident! I know it's doing real good cuz there's a commercial on for it almost every break!"
Jason and I didn't dare look at each other for fear of an explosion of laughter. Jason fiddled around a little bit more on the internet and then lamented that he wasn't able to get any stock information. Our dumb TV show was on and we were really trying to pay attention to it rather than focus on the ridiculousness Lee was talking.
As soon as Lee left we decided to try and diagnose Lee's condition using Wikipedia. The best explanation is he is suffers from psychosis with periods of mania.
10/24/2008 Kids Play
Fox and I watch Sesame Street every weekday morning before lunch. Today during "Elmo's World" something struck me as odd; the "Mr. Noodle" character behaves like a drunken bum. For those of you who haven't watched Sesame Street in a couple of decades, Elmo is the little red monster with an annoying laugh who has his own segment on Sesame Street called "Elmo's World". Mr. Noodle is a character on "Elmo's World" who is a real guy in an ill-fitting suit who Elmo asks questions about simple ideas and procedures. He answers non-verbally in dance or pantomime and always looks unkempt, as if he has just awoken from sleeping off a bender.
There are actually two Mr Noodles. There is the original Mr. Noodle (who sorta resembles my ex boyfriend, Richard) and his brother Mr Noodle who most resembles a degenerate alcoholic bum. That French prisoner with the pet mouse from "The Green Mile" also comes to mind.
After watching the segment for the millionth time I have decided that the inspiration for the Mr Noodle character (especially the brother of Mr Noodle, Mr Noodle) is based on a homeless, liquor hound who drinks anything he can get his hands on and begs for money outside of the Tomato Head cafe.
There are actually two Mr Noodles. There is the original Mr. Noodle (who sorta resembles my ex boyfriend, Richard) and his brother Mr Noodle who most resembles a degenerate alcoholic bum. That French prisoner with the pet mouse from "The Green Mile" also comes to mind.
After watching the segment for the millionth time I have decided that the inspiration for the Mr Noodle character (especially the brother of Mr Noodle, Mr Noodle) is based on a homeless, liquor hound who drinks anything he can get his hands on and begs for money outside of the Tomato Head cafe.
10.15.2008 Leather and Lace
Friday night Jason, Fox and I went to a "leather and lace" party hosted by our good friend Jon. The party was a "beginning of the year get-to-know-one-another" affair for his department, and everyone came dressed in a trashy rainbow of denim, pleather and fringe. Raucous the party was, and everyone got into the trashy spirit.
After reviewing my wardrobe I decided on my brown leather pants and a long, blondish wig, but couldn't find an appropriate shirt for the occasion. Something trashy, but attempting to be both sexy and tough looking. I thought about a wife-beater, but it seemed too typical, gangster and costumey, and I also thought about a see-through lacey tank top, but even it seemed too classy. I ended up making a denim and lace corset shirt with pink ribbon laces.
After reviewing my wardrobe I decided on my brown leather pants and a long, blondish wig, but couldn't find an appropriate shirt for the occasion. Something trashy, but attempting to be both sexy and tough looking. I thought about a wife-beater, but it seemed too typical, gangster and costumey, and I also thought about a see-through lacey tank top, but even it seemed too classy. I ended up making a denim and lace corset shirt with pink ribbon laces.
front: 
back: 
It was god-awful with an overall look of a 1992 west Asheville style night on the town involving drinks at Cowboys Night Life followed by line dancing. It was the outfit of a girl torn between two lifestyles. Basically I thought of all my elementary school friend's older sisters and tried to replicate their looks and facial expressions. I even bought a six pack of Bud Ice to complete the look.
Also integrated into the outfit was a brand new "beer opener" belt buckle from my friend Sonja, and a pair of pony fur boots from Hilary.
Getting ready for the party was so much fun. I can't wait for Halloween!
10/11/2008 Good New Wave Morning
French New wave looked like this:
Australian New wave looked like this:
American New wave looked like this:
British New wave looked like this:
and this
Japanese New wave:
This is what the "New Wave" of music was in Germany. I am still bitterly confused. Surely there was a mistranslation involved.
Leave it to the Germans...
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