Showing posts with label lee-z-rider. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lee-z-rider. Show all posts

Thursday, April 22, 2010

MaternalLee

Pregnancy does hilarious things to a gal. She gets huge and grouchy; hates things she once loved and is compelled to consume revolting foods like V8 vegetable juice and Spaghetti-os. I experienced the rainbow of conditions and symptoms associated with pregnancy this time around, but never realized that relating with my neighbor, Lee would fall into one of those categories.

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Things slow down when a woman becomes pregnant, and life's demands are reassessed. For me, all forms of exercise came to a halt, my otherwise healthy diet took a back seat to whatever garbage I could eat without puking, and my obsession with a clean kitchen became more of a theory. Complications early in the pregnancy prevented me from doing anything involving cardiovascular force. The most exertion I expelled was with my 3 year old; lifting him and kicking the soccer ball around, kicking him and lifting the soccer ball.. That type of thing. Around month 5 I began having dreams about sprinting through a grassy meadow, legs extended with the wind blowing my hair and clothes. As I remembered myself my footing became sludgy, and my sprint soon became more like armless swimming. I awoke feeling sad and heavy, looking forward to birth in a whole new way. It occurred to me that my neighbor, Lee and I had more in common physically than we ever had before.


Lee's physique is a geometric and physical conundrum. The angles created by his belly and his hip/upper thigh area are perplexing. The tight drum that is his stomach has the same qualities as a pregnant belly. Pale, silvery stretch marks around the flattened navel, protuberance at the fundus beyond that which seems possible. The harsh meeting of the lowest part of the belly to the groin... Pants which refuse to suspend themselves at an appropriate level revealing a plumber's crack/gangsta sag in tandem. Shirts that don't quite button over the midsection and won't cover the bottom 3 inches of the stomach. All of this occurred to me one afternoon as we were both engaged in the same activity: sitting in the yard doing nothing.

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Months 6-9 of my pregnancy were spent in discomfort. My usual activities of gardening, biking, running, hiking and swimming were replaced with sitting, reclining, waddling, and lifting 3 lb dumbells. I was trapped in my body and the least amount of activity made my uterus contract, my round ligaments ache and my sciatic nerves zap themselves into a frenzy, sending lightning pains through my lower back into my knees. I longed to have my body back and promised to work hard at being healthy and fit as soon as the baby came. I noticed that Lee complained about his back and knees all the time. He has a bike that he rides to the store and the library that is electric, but he still has to pedal it up steep hills. Amazing. How could someone with the weight distribution of a reverse weeble-wobble manage to position them self on a bike AND pedal it uphill? I couldn't even look at my bike when I was pregnant. Just seeing the seat made my pelvis ache. I decided to offer Lee a ride whenever I went out.


The next day Fox and I were leaving the house on our way to the library, and Lee was milling around his yard with a backpack. I asked him if he wanted to come to the library with us and he said yes, as long as I would take him by the tobacco outlet and the grocery store. We left the house and were driving down Island Home Avenue when Lee yelled "HEY SLOW DOWN UP HERE!"

I slammed on the breaks imagining I had either hit an animal or hauled ass past a cop, but Lee continued, "Jus up here one er two more houses... THARE! That house right thare!"

He pointed toward a tiny house with a covered porch and a steep driveway.

"Pull up in thare" He demanded.

I slowly eased the truck into the driveway and wondered what we were doing there when Lee explained; "Back in the 70s I put a new toilet in 'at house. I knew th'man who owned it an he give me a lawnmower t'fix at bathroom up"

As I sat there looking at the house, I realized that Lee was relishing the moment. As strange of a point of interest as it was, I completely understood Lee's motivation. He was including me in his life history with an explanation. He continued the story of the man, and how he knew him through his grandmother who lived in Vestal. The man had a few houses in the area that he rented out, and his grandmother lived in one of his properties. He wanted to drive to Vestal to show me his grandmother's old place, but we didn't have time.

Lee told me that one time, back in the 70s, his friend had a baby that refused to nurse and went 17 days without eating. He ordered her to take that baby "up 'ere an see my grandmother", so they went seeking advice about the starving infant. Within a few minutes of their arrival, Lee's grandmother discovered that the baby's tongue was malformed preventing the child's ability to suck. She gave the baby some sort of sustenance and went with it's mother to the hospital. Lee then told me the name of the baby, and I realized that he was still in communication with the child and his mother. The baby's name is Christian, and he is now 12 or 13 years old. Lee invites him and his mother over to eat supper with him a couple times a week and feels responsible for the kid in some way. He even built the kid a bike. As dangerous as that bike is, how wonderfully touching is it that Lee felt like giving it to this kid. He said that he had to "look after 'em" since his granny saved his life.

Feeling teary and sentimental, I told Lee that he was a great friend to Christian and his mother, and to Jason, Fox and I. He looked at me like I had just punched myself in the face and had a bloody nose, then thanked me for the ride and hopped out of the car.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

4/22/2008 Final-Lee

This is the moment you have been waiting for since you first read of my wacky neighbor Lee.

That's right;

a portrait of Lee with his creation: The Lee-Z-Rider

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I am sure you are in a state of shock after finally having an image to match with the lore; PLUS you are forced to confront the reality that Lee is a real man that I did NOT invent. It takes very little creativity to make Lee oriented blogs interesting, in fact they practically write themselves.

Last weekend my brother and our friend Brad visited us here in Knoxville. Brad always reads my blog and comments on them and has expressed his excitement about meeting Lee. Saturday night Brad's mind got blown, Lee style.

Lee approached our house on his usual, spiraling path and joined us on our front porch. After presenting me with a promotional CD with a huge "FREE" sticker on the top, he helped himself to a beer from the cooler.

He and Brad acquainted themselves with each other and before I knew it Lee was addressing Brad as "Clyde" which I have deciphered is a term of endearment Lee uses. He described to Brad the conditions which led to his piloting career in the air force at age 15, how he rode on the outside of a jet airplane into the earth's atmosphere till he was covered in ice, and how he possessed the power to dance a special dance and become invisible.

Brad remained engaged in conversation with Lee and I watched his face during the particularly wild statements: -his Cherokee name is Dances With Wolves, he's worth 8 million, he's going to buy his butler a Corvette, etc.... He was on the verge of a laugh explosion, and I was beginning to suspect that I hadn't explained "Lee" enough to my brother, who doesn't read my weblog and might not have really understood the extremity of his stories. They were asking lots of questions about times, ages and situations and as Lee explained himself his responses became louder and louder. I tried giving them the "hush" eye before they were unleashed upon, but luckily the conversation shifted and Lee went back home to get his peace pipe. I used this intermission to brief Kelly about Lee's ramblings, and recommended that he not ask too many questions, and try thinking about something tragic like hurricane Katrina to avoid bursting out into laughter.

He came back with a rock with a hole bored out of it and the tube from a ballpoint pen shoved into it. Lee told us that it was a ceremonial medicine pipe and he wanted us to smoke it and receive a blessing from him that we never have nightmares. We asked what he intended to put into the pipe, and he said it was herbs mixed with tobacco; "there ain't no PCP or powder or nothin in there if that's what your thinkin". Frankly, I didn't see any way to NOT smoke the pipe. I was praying that everyone else would smoke it too and we would all avoid actually inhaling the smoke.

We smoked with Lee and then got out the instruments and started playing. Between each break in music Lee urged us to listen to the CD he had brought over which was playing in the house because he sang in tracks 4, 12 and 14. "Listen!" He commanded, "That's me singing that low note!" It was so weird! We didn't want to piss him off bit it was barely audible on the front porch, and no one really wanted to go in the house to listen to some random CD.

A truck pulled up and it was our friend, Randal being dropped off by his activist friends after going to a meeting. For a minute I was afraid the hippie girls would exit the truck and want to talk and become alarmed when confronted with Lee's jive. They ended up just yelling something from the truck and going on their way, and Randy went to bed.

That's when Lee departed for the evening.

I took these pictures yesterday after Fox saw Lee out the window and yelled "LEEEEEE-EEEEEEEE!, LEEEEE-EEEEEEEE!" over and over about 40 times. We walked over to Lee's yard where he was chatting with our other neighbor, Karen. Native American flute music blared from his open door. Fox really likes Lee. The Lee-Z-Rider was constructed with a chainsaw motor and a mini keg as a gas tank. He insists it is safe enough for the 10 year old who he is going to give it to, explaining; "my friend's son is autistic and other kids make fun of 'em callin him Harry Potter n stuff; but after he gets this thing those kids wont say NOTHIN".

That I agree with.

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