This bag wants to party

A couple of weeks ago Lee came over to my house, boisterous and jovial, bearing a pint jar of moonshine and some odd, food pantry items. His cousins had finished another batch of liquor, and life was good again.

After insisting that I try a sip, he explained that he was afraid that Jason was going to poison me with the muscadine wine "he'd mixed up" and that he wanted me to have "sumthin' good-n-safe t'drank on"

As it happened, Jason and I were bottling the wine that very night, and had a few people over to try it in it's youth. We had a total of 10 liters of wine in the house, and no one was interested in mixing wine and moonshine. (again)

Pretending to sip the moonshine, I expressed my approval and thanked Lee for the pantry gifts. (instant mashed potatoes, powdered milk, gravy mix, rice, THREE POUNDS of dried cherries). I was not surprised to find out later that all of the food had been donated by the Methodist church's food pantry to Lee's friend, who then brought it to Lee in exchange for some substance.. and after Lee took the items he was interested in ("sum lederhosen sausages, a couple'uh'em corn cake mixes, an sum beefaroni cans") he passed the rest to us in a care package. Oh yeah, there was also a new dish towel in the box. ?

Lee crossed the street to his house where his friends had arrived, and we heard every elevated word exchanged between them for the rest of the night.

The next day, Lee didn't emerge till sometime after 3:30pm when he was seen rinsing something in the faucet outside of his house. Fox and I were working in the yard while Rainer napped, and I was glad Lee didn't come explain what was going on. Every time he comes within 10 feet of the house while Rainer is sleeping she wakes up, and most of his "morning-after" stories include an assessment of last night's libations based on his morning bowel movement. Information I could do without.

A few hours later Lee knocked on the door and was clearly drunk. He asked to borrow a can of tomatoes, told me he loved me, then went back to his house where there were four or five cars parked.

Jason and I had dinner, got the kids to bed, and were preparing to go to bed ourselves when I heard noises on the porch and Lee's trademark knock.

Lee bounded into the house as if one Leg was longer than the other, and started speaking in a tongue similar to that of an auctioneer at a barnyard auction. I cringed, imagining the kids were fearing the end of the world, and gestured for Lee to lower his voice.

"Five dollars! Here, take it, take this!!"

Lee was waving a ten dollar bill at me, aiming it towards my hand and jerking his head in the direction of the kitchen.

"Listen! Listen Jeel. Here's five dollar, YOU give ME a five an that moo moo I give yee. Y'hear me? I give you five, YOU give ME five, an at's for the moo moo"

His instructions became more frantic and quantitative; involving on the spot estimates about the cost of a pint of moonshine (based on the $25/a jar figures) and his level of intoxication became evident.

Still unclear about his intentions, I was able to determine that it was the moonshine he had given me in the care package that he wanted. Still untouched, I retrieved it from the freezer and gave it to him, refusing the "five" ten dollar bill in his hand.

His demeanor shifted, and his hands met each other as if in prayer.

"Thank ye Jeel! Man, I dropped my lass jar uh moo moo an I'm in the middle uh partyin! I thought I'd killed it then membered bout th pint I give ye. I giv'ye five dollars for it, but I jus got a ten."

Ah. The $5/$10 conundrum became clear to me. I told him that I didn't have cash and to just keep it, that he had given it to me so it was mine to give away, but he refused. He left the ten on the mantle and returned to his party.

The next day Lee was full of apologies, and I insisted that it was perfectly fine, but he felt guilty about taking the gift back.

"I'll make it up to you Jeel. Somehow".

Sunday Lee came to the door with a huge smile on his face and a wadded bag in his hand. Unable to contain his excitement, he pulled a jar of maraschino cherries from the wad, and handed it to me in the manor of handling the holy grail.
In a hilarious, sarcastic tone Lee exclaimed;

"Check it out Asian Ninenine! I tole you I'd get cha'back! These'll be ready to eat in three days. They'll be RIGHT!"

I thanked him for the moonshine cherries and asked if they go in the fridge or the freezer, and he thanked me again for "spottin him that pint", then headed for the door. Before he left he said;

"One more thing; could'ja do me another favor an write me a letter to the lectric company. I's $29.19 short this month on the light bill cuz I was sick lass month an had to spend money on cough'n cold medicine an I need to tell em I'll pay it back next time. You know, for January's bill. See really I's jus drinkin on that moo moo an spent all my money on it. I can't hardly see or spell to write somethin like at. I don't need it till tomorrow."

I told him that I would.

The letter went something like this:

To Whom it may concern,


Due to sickness and the associated expenses this payment is incomplete by the sum of $29.19. This amount will be paid along with the January 2011 bill as a past due amount.


Regretfully,

The next day he came over for the note. Clearly impressed with the typed letter, Lee said

"Thanks Jeel. Printed an all. Jew eat some uh them cherries?"

I told him that I hadn't since he said they wouldn't be "cured" for another day or so, and he said;

"Well hell, Jeel! You never do what I say till now! I'd been into'em already"

Lee saged my house

Last weekend Heather, Ella and Josh came to visit for the weekend. We were all really excited since it was the first time they had visited with baby Ella, and we always have lots of fun together regardless of what we do. As an extra bonus our wonderful friend, John was in town too, and he and his lady friend, Amy came over for supper.

Jason spent Saturday working on one of our (many non-functional) lawnmowers over at Lee's house. Lee is a wizard when it comes to small engine repair and always helps us fix stuff; as far as I can tell these times are Lee at his finest.

Heather, Josh, Ella and I were going to go to the store to get preparations for shrimp and grits while Fox was napping, so I walked across the street to ask Jason to come work in our front yard so he would hear if Fox awoke. Lee was watching Jason tighten something while he held his hand which was wrapped in dirty flannel.

"What happened t0 your hand?" I asked

"Aw nuthin! I wuz just helpin Jason get his mower fixed an I cut my hand on 'at bolt" Lee said in a sing-songy tone.

I looked back at Jason and explained our excursion to him, and immediately after the words escaped my mouth Lee assertively asked,"So whater you a-havin fur supper"

I told him shrimp and grits with turnup greens, crowder peas and sweet potato fries.

"An you ain't even gonna invite me when I'm over here a-bleedin fixin YOURE machine?!",
Lee assumed.

Quickly I asked Lee to please join us for supper, and that we would be eating sometime after seven. He accepted my too-late invite with disdain, as if he would be doing me a favor by showing up, and asked if I could pick up a few things while I was out. He ran into his house and came out five minutes later with a grocery list, his government "food stamp" card, and his pin number. Lee gave me explicit directions how to use the EBT/debit card reader, even after I insisted that I understood the functionality of the contraption, and then sent us on our way.

Josh and I prepared our supper and Lee stuck his head in when we were almost finished. I told him that it would be another 45 minutes till it was ready, and he said, "I've done ate, but thanks Jill. I appreciate it n you're a good neighbor. I'll prolly jus come back over here when Dan and John get here"

Great.

John, Amy and our friend Frank showed up, and my friend Adrienne from up the street came down. We all talked and caught up with each other. Adrienne went back home to her kids so her husband, Dan could come down, and very soon afterwards Lee appeared. He came in the door with photographs of Dan, John, and I he had taken a few months earlier.

"See them orbs all over you John?!" Lee yelled. "You got them thangs all over your house Jill. See, they ride in on other people even if your house is clean an blessed" Lee remarked with a suspicious look at our previously jovial company.

I told him that everything was fine in my house, and there had been no spiritual disturbances of any kind. Lee produced three sticks of incense and a bundle of sage and insisted that we burn all of it to "smudge" our house. He continued talking about the mysterious orbs on the photographs for the rest of the evening.

I have seen tons of these "mysterious orb photos" that Lee has taken and without a shadow of a doubt they are dust particles. Some of the photos are of people with a big spot on their face or shoulder, some are of empty areas in a bar or someone's house with a spattering of nebulous dots, all are taken with a flash. The first time Lee showed me his collection of pictures I told him that I had had that problem when using a flash, and he said

"That ain't dust!! That place was so clean! There weren't a spot anywhere!",

and then it became a personal attack on the subject's cleanliness. So I dropped it and started accepting whatever he said about these photos, but this was the first time that my complacency had led to a "smudging" of my home.

As the fragrant smoke billowed from one room to the next all of my guests looked around at each other, attempting to communicate non-verbally by making eye contact. One by one I discreetly extinguished the incense, cracked the door to the back porch and turned on the overhead fans. I could hear Lee in the other room demanding to know what Dan thought about his photos. People started dodging Lee and his strange, one sided conversations, and he made his way into the kitchen where I was cleaning up. He started talking at me without any concern of my indifference, and suddenly I realized he was swearing loudly, and the children were in the other room.

"I told that stupid fuck what he could do! I said 'Alright goddammit! Get your shit and go back to your old lady an tell her not to bother me or my family no more! We're sick uh you're shit!"

At that moment Jason burst into the kitchen shushing Lee and telling him that he didn't care if he swore but not to do it when the kids are awake and in the next room. Lee looked at Jason incrediously and slinked out of the room, shrugging.

An hour later I went outside and found Lee smoking on the porch.

Laughing, he asked "Did you hear Jason tell me off in thar? He said I was a-cussin in front uh those babies or somethin. I NEVER cuss in front uh kids, man. I know how it is. He musta thought I was Pope. You know, that big bald dude Jason plays music with? He's always cussing around the kids"

Not knowing what to say, I just stood there and nodded. Why would Lee pick Pope? Brad Pope is great with kids, and super respectful of Fox. It was so freaky for Lee to pretend like he hadn't screamed obscenities in my kitchen while I was standing beside him, just an hour earlier, then try to blame it on a guy who wasn't even there. Then the conversation shifted back to the orbs and Lee proclaimed;

"Whatever they are they're faster than anything we got! I mean military, yaknow; like 747s or F-16s or bombers or WHAT EVER man! Them orbs gottem beat. I know yall're good people an all but I'm jus WARNIN yuh that thares more than this world that'cha see in life. There's the spirit world an yuh don't wanna piss'em off none!"

I told him that I didn't want to aggravate the orbs either, but I wasn't worried about them. He interrupted me by saying "So what do you really think about them Jill; tell me thu truth!"

After a moment's consideration I said that I thought they were interesting. Lee exploded and said that I might as well have slapped him in the face, and that he thought that I thought he was crazy. For some reason Lee was putting people on the spot all that night, demanding that they tell him he's crazy. Of course no one took the bait, as tempting as it was. It felt like Lee was fishing for a fight, which became evident towards the end of the evening.

Everyone started leaving and going to bed, and John and Amy were the last two people left other than Josh and Heather who were staying at our house. Jason and I were hoping that Lee would leave so that we could talk to John and Amy a little bit before they left, but he just wouldn't budge.

Finally Amy and I decided to try and lead him outside, then return inside without letting him back in. Evidently, despite being really drunk and high, Lee was onto our plan because he acquired a sloppily hostile attitude before leaving.

Amy and I were standing beside the door forming a chute directing Lee out the door, when he stopped in front of us and said "thanks a lot Jill" charged with sarcasm.

"You ain't gotta do anything! All you do is sit around here sewing in your room back'ere. All you gotta do is watch 'at kid. Yeah you got it made" Lee expressed.

Amy's eyes got huge and angry, and after taking a shocked, sidelong glance towards me she asserted "Being a mother is the hardest job in the world!"

Lee sort of rolled his eyes and continued his strutting progression to the front door.

Amy was horrified with Lee, but I felt like it was comparable to watching a really slow wreck. I can't take offense when I know he's just running off at the mouth. For god's sake; this is a man on disability who drinks moonshine and smokes dope on a daily basis, further disabling himself. It would be a wasted argument.

Despite the Lee-static, it was a great night. My only regret is that I didn't insist Lee leave a little early so I could have talked to my favorite friends about something without him screaming about orbs in the next room.

11/4/2008 Modern Love Hard Living

While I was hanging the laundry out to dry my neighbor, Lee came over and visited me today. He told me about why I didn't see him yesterday and it was a pretty good story.

He said he awoke when someone knocked on his door at 10:30am. It was his friend, Craig's wife who wanted to ask a favor. Craig was in jail. She needed Lee to accompany her to pick him up.

Lee asked why the hell she didn't just go down there herself seeing as it was so early in the morning and he hadn't had his coffee yet. She said that

1. they wouldn't accept her bail seeing that he was in jail due to a domestic abuse charge by her, PLUS she already had a restraining order against him. and

2. in order to pick up a person from jail you had to have a valid drivers license. She did not. But she drove up in a car. Lee has no car, but has a valid drivers license.

He agreed and went to the police station and filled out the necessary paperwork to release Craig. Four hours later he was released on bail.

After they left they they went to some bar in town that gives you free wings as long as you are drinking beer, and they stayed there till the place closed. They ate chicken wings for almost nine hours!

I was so jealous.

Ohyeah. This weekend our friends were clearing out their storage stuff and in it was a round rug that said 'Oval Office' on and looked something like the emblem in the center of this

He really liked it and he hung it on his front door. I will definitely take a picture of it.

11/1/2008 Yesterday with Lee

After four days passed without seeing hide nor hair of my otherwise "in your face" neighbor Lee, I became concerned that he was in some sort of trouble. Fox and I went outside for our morning frolic and after digging in the sandbox for thirty or so minutes, we drifted into Lee's yard and made lots of noise.
Within thirty seconds Lee appeared in the doorway looking puffy and grey.
I told him that we wondered where he had been and if he was sick, and he said "Naw, I ain't been sick or nuthin. I've jus got heartache cuz a this girl a-mistreatin her little 10 year old son here at my house"

I have heard about this woman before.
Her son was born with some sort of thrush condition and was unable to nurse. Lee said he went fifteen days without breast feeding after he was born, then finally he took the baby to his grandmother who diagnosed the problem and immediately corrected it. That's the history from Lee's end.
So now, ten years later the baby has grown into a boy and the mother accepts no responsibility for the child's behavior or discipline. She verbally and physically abuses him and pushes him around, ignores him by shutting him up in his room with a video game console. Worst of all, she is trying to have the child diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder so she can involve him in an experimental drug study entitling her to compensation for his participation.
Lee has to censor the mother every time she comes by his house (to smoke or drink moonshine) by ordering her to stop abusing her son on the grounds that "I [Lee] don't allow NO fightin in my house cuz it's a sacred place"

That is some depressing stuff to be around! I completely understand why he feels so bad! He said he wanted to stop seeing this woman and forbid her from coming to his house, but he can't bear the thought of not being able to see the kid.

Fox and I sat and drank coffee with Lee for a half hour or so while discussing this issue (I drank coffee. Fox did not) and the conversation moved to happier topics. Lee was happy that his check was "a-comin tomorrow", and in an attempt to relate I added "Yeah- it's a good thing we get paid tomorrow too! We're nearly broke at the end of the month"
Although this statement was fundamentally true it was unnecessarily dramatic. We have a tight budget with little deviation. At the end of the month we sometimes have less that $100 in the checking account, but we are prepared and aware, so it's no big deal. No one has starved yet.
Lee proceeded to pull boxes of cereal and crackers from his cupboard and pile them into a plastic bag. He handed them to me and said "Lass month I got all this buy one get one free an now I'm sick of um so you take em"
The more I refused the more desperate Lee perceived me as. Finally he said "Girl, jus take em! I ain't gonna eat em!"
All of the boxes were unopened and had sharp corners, so I took them home, but before I left Lee exclaimed "Oh Yeah! An I got somethin else for ya!"

He reached in the freezer and pulled out a mason jar of amber tinted moonshine, opened it and poured two little shots. Then he poured half of it into a Dr. Enough bottle and handed it to me along with the shot.
I glanced at the digital clock on Lee's microwave and it was 10:42am. He handed me the big shot and I insisted we trade. I drank it and Lee explained; "this is scotch flavored moonshine. When they make it they use a certain kinda bark at the end to give it the flavor an color"
I agreed that it was very scotchy and that it would be perfect with a smoke, then adjourned across the street to my yard.
About thirty minutes later as I was giving Fox a snack Lee knocked on the door. He held out a white envelope, shoving it into my hand and mumbling something. I asked him what it was and he said "jus read it!!"
I came back inside and emptied the contents of the envelop onto the table. There was a rubber change purse crammed full of coins, mostly pennies, a note, five rolled tobacco cigarettes, and a government issue "food stamps" debit card.
The letter instructed me to go to the store, purchase a bag of potatoes using the debit card which held a balance of $2.75, the change which totaled around 85 cents, and my own money, then we would "split the spuds".
I suddenly realized that I was on the receiving end of Lee's charity.
I loaded Fox up and headed across the street to see if Lee wanted to ride to the store and get some potatoes.

We drove to the Grocery Outlet and bought a bag of potatoes which I contributed $2.05 towards. As soon as we got back Lee split them into two bags and told me that he was going to cook supper for Jason, Fox and I. I agreed and asked what I could do.
About 40 minutes later Lee showed up with a bowl of home fries wrapped in newspaper. He said "eat some now an save the rest for supper"
As soon as Jason got home from work Lee started bringing food over to my table including salmon cakes, fried okra, and cornbread. It was really good and I was happy not to have to cook supper.
After we ate Lee cleared the table of his pots and dishes, went home and we got Fox to bed. As Jason and I settled in to watch our new favorite show, Fringe, Lee knocked on the door. He wanted Jason to find out if "that spray chemical stuff, Free Breeze wuz on the stock market"
Neither of us had ever heard of a company called Free Breeze, so we just started googling.
Lee explained "it's like an air freshener spray, an they make candles, too"
"Febreeze!" I decoded.
"Yeah! That's whut I said" hollered Lee.
I said "I'm sure it's owned by Johnson Wax or Proctor and Gamble if you look on the stocks"
Shaking his head widely from left to right, Lee mouthed the word "ME" while pointing at himself repeatedly.
"I own that chemical! I bought it in Arizona right after them chemists made it on accident! I know it's doing real good cuz there's a commercial on for it almost every break!"
Jason and I didn't dare look at each other for fear of an explosion of laughter. Jason fiddled around a little bit more on the internet and then lamented that he wasn't able to get any stock information. Our dumb TV show was on and we were really trying to pay attention to it rather than focus on the ridiculousness Lee was talking.
As soon as Lee left we decided to try and diagnose Lee's condition using Wikipedia. The best explanation is he is suffers from psychosis with periods of mania.

10/24/2008 Kids Play

Fox and I watch Sesame Street every weekday morning before lunch. Today during "Elmo's World" something struck me as odd; the "Mr. Noodle" character behaves like a drunken bum. For those of you who haven't watched Sesame Street in a couple of decades, Elmo is the little red monster with an annoying laugh who has his own segment on Sesame Street called "Elmo's World". Mr. Noodle is a character on "Elmo's World" who is a real guy in an ill-fitting suit who Elmo asks questions about simple ideas and procedures. He answers non-verbally in dance or pantomime and always looks unkempt, as if he has just awoken from sleeping off a bender.
There are actually two Mr Noodles. There is the original Mr. Noodle (who sorta resembles my ex boyfriend, Richard) and his brother Mr Noodle who most resembles a degenerate alcoholic bum. That French prisoner with the pet mouse from "The Green Mile" also comes to mind.
After watching the segment for the millionth time I have decided that the inspiration for the Mr Noodle character (especially the brother of Mr Noodle, Mr Noodle) is based on a homeless, liquor hound who drinks anything he can get his hands on and begs for money outside of the Tomato Head cafe.

10.15.2008 Leather and Lace

Friday night Jason, Fox and I went to a "leather and lace" party hosted by our good friend Jon. The party was a "beginning of the year get-to-know-one-another" affair for his department, and everyone came dressed in a trashy rainbow of denim, pleather and fringe. Raucous the party was, and everyone got into the trashy spirit.

After reviewing my wardrobe I decided on my brown leather pants and a long, blondish wig, but couldn't find an appropriate shirt for the occasion. Something trashy, but attempting to be both sexy and tough looking. I thought about a wife-beater, but it seemed too typical, gangster and costumey, and I also thought about a see-through lacey tank top, but even it seemed too classy. I ended up making a denim and lace corset shirt with pink ribbon laces.

front:



back:

It was god-awful with an overall look of a 1992 west Asheville style night on the town involving drinks at Cowboys Night Life followed by line dancing. It was the outfit of a girl torn between two lifestyles. Basically I thought of all my elementary school friend's older sisters and tried to replicate their looks and facial expressions. I even bought a six pack of Bud Ice to complete the look.

Also integrated into the outfit was a brand new "beer opener" belt buckle from my friend Sonja, and a pair of pony fur boots from Hilary.

Getting ready for the party was so much fun. I can't wait for Halloween!

8/29/2008 Assault, Dissoultion, retreat

The night before last Jason and his friends were having practice in our back room in preparation for a wedding gig this weekend when Lee's lumbering frame appeared in the back door jamb. Our back room is perpetually under construction and the back door leading outside from this forbidden room is crumbling and totally unsafe for passage. But there he was with a mason jar of moonshine in one hand and a one hitter in the other. The song came to a close, and Lee offered his usual verbal greeting, then his substance offering of pot and booze. Some obliged and some didn't, and then he turned to me and screamed a birthday wish at me, then shoved a mysterious quart-sized jar of a brownish liquid in my hand. I thanked him and asked how he was doing, and he proceeded to pass around a People magazine opened to an ad for Oral-B toddler toothpaste with a Thomas the Train motif.

As I examined the picture Lee victoriously told me that that was "one uh his boys by that girl", and explained that "sheeze got em a workin for thu toothpastes company AN for that puppet-train company, too so eeze a-gettin paid two times!"

I choked back an infinite geyser of laughter and snide comments and said, "Cute! I think he has your brow"

Lee said "WELL HELL YEAH he does! He looks jus like me when I wuz that size! Ain't he clean?! That woman sure keeps em clean. I LIKE that."

Again, I held back my inner jerk and commented on the child's cleanliness, unsure of how long I was going to be able to maintain the charade.

This Lee/Jill dialog, by the way, was at full, party time volume, and Lee was gesturing and engaging the others by passing the magazine around, fishing for affirmation which no one else was giving. This situation comes rather frequently, I have noticed. Me and Lee. Somehow I am there listening to his stories about test tube babies, beating up the president, lassoing a jet and riding it to the moon etc... And I am forced by my own social structure to respond! I can't just stand there. I can't ignore him! I can't change the subject! It is like I am imprisoned by thick walls of lies reinforced by more lies. I find myself immersed in Lee's fantasy to an uncomfortable degree.

So Lee was demanding total attention of every person in the room, and when they started practicing again, Lee started talking louder. Jason's cousin Jon left, and as soon as he did I picked up the bass and began playing just to remove myself from the "Lee camp".

He persisted by standing in between everyone and talking, holding the magazine in front of everyone's faces, and trying to lure them individually with topics Lee knew would interest them. It was god-awful. Somehow I elevated myself to a far away place and drowned out the sound of his voice with my own god-awful bass picking.

I finally opened my eyes to see that Lee had leaned the magazine ad on the window sill and was in a lunge formation with his face nearly touching the page. He was like that for at least 30 seconds.

Soon afterwards he left, presumably because no one wanted to listen to him talking about somebody else's baby in a magazine ad. It was awful.

The other day my friend Audry came over to pick me up and Lee intersected us at the mailbox, and started talking about his desire to "get outta here an do sum travilin!"

Already in the car and buckled in, I said "That's a good idea, Lee. There's no reason why you shouldn't travel since you live alone. I would if I were you."

Then Lee said "Hell Jill, I can't take you too. I mean, you're married an you got that kid an all! I can't take you with me! You're cute an all but I jus can't!"

He walked backwards towards his house with a pained look on his face, maintaining semi-eye contact and mumbling. As soon as we pulled out Audry started with the questions.

7/17/2008 Illustration Fascination

OhmyGod I have been so busy lately I haven't had time to report on my busy-ness!
Last week I was in Highlands, NC taking a scientific illustration class and spending time with some of my favorite friends, Andy and Hilary. After hearing about this course I remembered that my friend Hilary was teaching kids 'nature drawing' through her local arts council, so I decided to call her up and tell her about the class. Miraculously, she was able to get off work and sign up for the class! She and her partner Andy spent the week at a nearby campground since they had two, 7-week old chocolate lab puppies in tow. (They didn't allow puppies in the dorm unless they were enrolled in a class)





Hilary and I spent the week drawing with more focus and attention to detail than we ever had before. We both remembered how in college we were encouraged to work quickly, on large tableaux, and without an attempt at direct representation. When we picked up our 3" by 5" scraps of paper and were told to draw any object we wanted, to scale, it took a while to shift into "meticulous mode". Hours flew by like minutes, and both of us ultimately got into it. With a total of 9 students, our class was small enough to participate in group conversations and have lots of time talking with the instructor, and we were able to hang out after hours since we were all staying locally. We set bug traps after dark and drank beer using our finds as subjects for illustrations. The Highlands Biological Station has a summer camp feel to it, and I think everyone in the class regressed to a happy, curious time. Everyone seemed to genuinely enjoy the class and felt inspired enough to choose projects that they wouldn't have before. I spent most of my time drawing from a microscope, for example.



So now I am back in Knoxville and still have the drive and inspiration to draw 8+ hours a day, but it simply isn't possible. Having a 2 year old running around really destroys any chance of focusing, and when nap time rolls around all I can think about is the mess in his wake. (Today Fox squeezed an entire bottle of sunblock out on the carpet in my bedroom, and I didn't know it till I slid in it. He painted the door jam, threw a perfectly good push up pop down the vent, and tried climbing up the chest o drawers.)

Since Fox was staying in the safety of his grandparents houses I was able to relax a little bit and get some work done in that class, and I realize more and more how lucky I was.

As I am still in "settling back in" mode I haven't been able to work on any cool projects or pictures. Hopefully next week will be easier.

Ohyeah-
My neighbor, Lee came over today and told Jason and I about how he had pulled a drunkard's tooth, once.
He said, "I went over thar an he id been a-drankin at Listerine warsh an he'as all drunk. We made em shuv is hands in is back pockets while I put my knees on is shoulders, an another guy held is jaw down while a differnt guy yanked is molar-tooth out with a pair uh pliars. After it uz out I told em to go ahead an take em another pull of at Listerine, an he said 'ok, Lee', an he ended up givin me ten dollars for it"

5/12/2008 Craz’neabor

Wow! I have been so busy lately I am getting blog build up. My mind is becoming crammed with useless stories and events of the past two weeks. I guess the first thing I meant to write about but didn't happened the weekend before last.

We had gone to Asheville for Heather's shower and when we returned to Knoxville Sunday afternoon, we quickly unloaded our truck and grabbed a few things for Fox, then headed up the street to Dan and Adrenne's for supper. As soon as we got outside ready to depart, Lee was standing there, already talking and gesturing wildly. He was drunk. It was 6:15pm. Lee wanted to talk to Fox (who he addresses as "Red Rider"), talk to Jason about "the game", and ask us why we didn't tell him we were leaving town for the weekend. He insisted that he needed to know if we were going to be gone so he doesn't worry that we're "dead in there" or something.

After a million quick answers and replies to his questions, we started up the road. Just when we were home free, Lee hollered "Hay man Jason gimme a col'beer fore yuh go". Jason lamented that he had none, and I offered him a half bottle of Australian wine I was taking to Dan and Adrienne's. He accepted it and retreated back into his house.

The next morning I went outside to put some mail in the box and found the wine, along with a pan of biscuits with jam and a note on my porch. Knowing it was going to be hilarious I took the items back into my house before I read the note.



This is what the note says if you cannot read it:

" Jill- Nebor [smiley face smoking cigarette] (red-ride'r)
&Gosh! I schould'nt of got'on, your dinner wine & I was buszzed, when you'all came-n-an, Jason kame by & sorry I guess moonshine make's us stuped. Try a bisket, butter, appel gelly.
Craz'neabor
Rainbow
warrior! "

The biscuits were in a pan wrapped in a clean dish towel and there was a perfectly square pat of butter placed in the center of each round. The jelly was in a nice little jar like the kind you find at the farmers market. I was impressed because the biscuits were absolutely perfect, just like my GG used to make. Fox and I ate them for lunch with some soup I had fixed the night before.



We went over to thank Lee later that afternoon and we found him hard at work duct taping zip-lock baggies full of water to the top of his door jamb. Afraid to ask, I started out by thanking Lee for the biscuits and explaining to him that he didn't have to feel bad or apologize for the night before, and that we like sharing with him as much as he likes sharing with us.

He said "Hell! I know! Yall er good ole neighbors and I preciate'chall, but I shouldn't uh come up ere askin yall for booze when I was already drunk off moonshine. I'd been drinkin it all day long!"

Certain of that fact, I thanked him for the delicious biscuits and told him that they were just like my great grandma made, and he yelled "she put beer in em too?!".

I was making my way back to my house when Lee decided to explain the operation which occupied him.

"I wuz down in Florida with a friend an we went to one uh these open pit seafood joints that cooked over a fire pit. There weren't no walls or nothin; it wuz just a shelter with a roof an we noticed all these bags a water hangin from the beams an we asked what they wuz for and they said it wuz to keep the flies out. There wudn't a fly or mosquito in that place! Not one!"

I asked him how it worked and he said "It's somethin bout their eyes. They get close to these bags a water and it makes em go crazy".

Later that week Jason's folks came and spent the night with us, and Jason and I went on a walk after Fox went to sleep. Lee spotted us and hollered for us to come over, so we went into the little house and chatted. Lee said a friend of his had left town and given him some steaks, so he gave us a big bag of frozen meat.

I looked around and noticed that there were at least 10 flies in the house. Maybe they were already in the house when he taped up those baggies and were unable to go out.

4/15/2008 Dem Ol' Blooze

I just read Ishoowun of the comic "BLIND DUNHAM DIRTY" entitled "Dem Ole Blooze" by M.B Pope.
Not only are the illustrations rendered with truth and experience, but with an understanding of drunken benders that requires decades of real life experience. Characters are defined by negative space, darkness and gravity, elements which convince me of Dunham's futile quest for the root of his blooze,
and when the pages turn they moan like Screamin Jay Hawkins.

I highly recommend reading it, and it gets a 10 alarm rating on the chili scale.


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