Don't Fuck with the Natives, or Lee's Rant about 'nam

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Brace yourselves. This is a bizarre monologue by Lee. Don't read any farther, just listen.


Here's what happened:

Jason walked over to Lee's house the other night to return some plates he had left at our house, and realized he had his his voice recorder in his breast pocket. As soon as he walked in Lee began this explanation of why he never received the millions of dollars which he told everyone about. Those of you who have followed this blog know all about this, those who haven't might enjoy the recording for the sheer drama. Any archived blogs tagged with "wacky neighbor", "crazy neighbor", "lee" or any combination might provide an informed backdrop for those interested, but I'll admit that no amount of information will make this make sense.


The general idea is that while on missions in Afganistan and Vietnam, Lee killed an unstated number of people in a lagoon of some sort, blinded a man-eating, Taliban owned lion with an explosive hen carcass crammed full of "red oak saw dust and broken glass", and was able to manage with the help and direction of an Arapaho Indian Chief.


Because he was committed to the Natives for blessing him with his powers and abilities, he was unable to confront the government regarding the money they owed him for completing this mission. After participating in a Sundance ritual, Lee received a Native Blessing of the "Blue Lights", which have followed him around ever since. Lee has hundreds of these "mystical orb" photographs, and believes them to be Native Spirits protecting him, but when he sees them in photographs of other people, he believes they are negative or otherwise unclean spirits.

He believes that the government has began to realize his connection with the Natives, and that the Native's philosophy of the "circle of life" is preventing the completion of the agreement between the NSA and himself.

Finally, since three of the bodies in the lagoon have been discovered, the success of the mission is clear, prompting the government to finally pay up. Lee mentions that he knows the money is coming since he saw one of the government agents responsible for accounts payable featured in an Olive Garden commercial.

Lee has been biding his time "being secluded and white" and thirty years have passed while he has waited. He is relieved that it's finally over after "[putting] everything on the line for it"

After Lee finished speaking, Jason set down the dishes he was returning, and opened his mouth to speak, but could think of nothing appropriate. Luckily, Lee's ramble continued, and moved on to other matters. Hopefully Jason will edit the rest of it so I can publish it soon.

4/3/2008 Murder March

Yesterday my uber-pregnant friend and neighbor called me and asked me about the helicopters swarming above our neighborhood. Before she mentioned it I hadn’t really noticed them, as we live a stone’s throw away from a busy, little airport. After she called I noticed the craft, and it ended up flying around our air all day long, well into the night. No one knew what was going on. Normally when there’s a helicopter making rounds like that it is indicative of breaking news of some sort; fires, crashes, emergencies and stuff like that, but none of the local news web pages mentioned anything about it, so I thought someone was going for a world record or something.
As it turns out a body was recovered floating in the river at the park where I go running and take Fox to play; it is less than a mile from my house.
body recovered at Island Home park
Look how pretty it is:

I guess it is natural to find dead, floating things in rivers, but a few weeks ago there was another body found closer to downtown:
recovered body identified
This man was recovered and id-ed, but the body found yesterday has not been, and there are no leads on either case regarding the nature of their deaths, but judging by the airel patrol there must be someone on the loose.
Another close-to-home tragedy is the murder of 24-year-old Carrie Daugherty who was a server at our Barley’s location. The guy who killed her was her roommate’s boyfriend, and she had expressed her suspicion of his sanity, and of her concern that he might one day kill her.

murder

On a lighter note, last night our neighbor Karen told us that Lee said that he was Ashton Kutcher’s daddy. No details. And that he beat up Fidel Castro, then had to fly to New Jersey to disarm a bomb Fidel had planted there. He also told her that he was once arrested (very likely) and while he was being detained in the car the officer left the heat on full blast. Lee was uncomfortable so he called on his Apache spirits who came to the car, broke the arms of a bunch of people, then let Lee out of the car. They were invisible, as spirits are, and later Lee was at the Kenjo gas station waiting in line when he noticed an officer behind him in line with a broken arm, so he let him have fronts.
Lee wows the entire street with his fantastic narratives.