Leesearch

Ever since we told Lee that I was expecting he has sorta disappeared. I still saw him around, but he was definitely keeping a distance from me and Fox during the day. Peace settled into my yard, and I relished my newfound ability to exit my home without facing an emotionally charged monologue about flying helicopters in Naam. He did flag me down one day as I was pulling out of the driveway; he handed me a change purse full of pennies and asked if I would go to the tobacco shop to get him a pack of Red Cap tobacco. I asked "Red Hat"?, and he turned and yelled;

"CAP, RED CAP, not hat, CAP"

as he pantomimed putting on and removing a hat. Other than that one occasion I hadn't encountered him on a conversational level in weeks. This all ended yesterday.

Fox and I were outside playing in the yard when I noticed smoke billowing into the tree tops around me. Since Fox has really made progress with mastering a bic lighter, and since the smoke was so near I figured Fox was responsible for the fire. I hopped up and assumed my "angry face", heading towards where Fox was huddled, and realized that he hadn't started a fire. I peeked over the shrub and saw Lee fanning a massive pile of leafy brush with a piece of poster board. It was popping and snapping, emitting opaque smoke which spanned the entire street, but was concentrated in Lee's immediate vicinity. It looked like he was in music video.

He did the thing where he just starts talking as if you were already engaged in conversation, and I smiled and nodded to keep up. I realized that he was inviting me to his house to see a clock he made out of a sprocket and beer caps. Fox was going nuts trying to get into the fire, so I pulled him away and into Lee's house to see his creation. Basically, Lee had bought a clock, removed the hands and attached them to the center of a bicycle sprocket. Sorta like this:



First he showed me the sprocket clock, then he called attention to the "parts" clock which he had painted hands onto the face frozen at 4:20. He was equally pleased with that clock.

We left his house and Fox and I returned to playing, and Lee to burning green branches.

A few minutes later Lee returned and asked me if Jason had ordered a book for him. I asked him about the book, and he told me it was written by a woman named Moore, and it was about her pictures of mystical orbs. I told him that I would look it up for him.
I was about to use that as an excuse to go inside for a while when he abruptly asked me another research related question.

"Did'jew listen to that Coast to Coast radio show last week? Tha'n bout th' Trixters?"

I had no idea what the hell he was talking about, so he started telling me about it.

"See they had dis guy on ere as uh guest name Chris O'Connor, or Chris O'Neal er somethin, but he got on the air an started a'makin fun uh me! Back in the 80s he was lookin' for all th' Ghost Dancers an Skin Dancers out west and he ask me t'take em, so I told em that I would do th' Ghost Dance an he could see for himself, but all he wanted t'do was all this decibel stuff with recorders an stuff. Ye'know he was like one uh these professor types not wantin' t'do the work jus wantin' tu write some big book! So I told em that I'd take him to meet some shamens and medicine men an he was givin' me a hard time, a callin' me a shafe shifter an some kinda weekend warrior an got mad an so I said "fuck this" so I went t'town tu that Goodwill store an bought $50 worth uh stuff: I got sum deer antlers an clear packin'tape an plastic wrap, so I put flour in th'plastic wrap an put it over my face real tight, an taped them antlers to my head, and got this piece of blue fabric wrapped'round my shoulders. See, I waz tryin' t'camoflage in with th'storm an fog. Then I got up on his roof with a brick on a rope an started walkin 'round the roof lettin' that brick bounce on the wall, then I stuck my head in his window an scared him so bad he come running naked out into the snow. I figgured that'n needed t'be scared."

I was thoroughly confused as to how this had anything to do with the radio show, and I asked;
"So the guest on the show talked about you on air"?

Lee excitedly replied
"Hell yeah he did! He was callin me all sorts uh shit some kind uh 'shafe shiffer' weekend indian! He was pissed off an all I was tryin t'do was help em out! After we wuz there I took em up Arizona where them people were diggen in walls makin houses, called 'cwiff dellers' er sumthin. Back when I wuz workin in commercials an TV an stuff I did all kinds uh shafe-shiptin' an was turnin into animals an doin photoshoots
an all. Hell! You SEEN one of um when I wus turned to a wolf! Remember that magazine ad I showed you? I done that an I done a car commercial as a bear that breaks in th' car an eats th' doughnuts...I don't like doin' it much though.
But I need you t'get on th'internet, look up google, an punch in Coast to Coast, and Trixters, an see if you can't get that episode loaded on a CD for me cuz I need t'listen to it again."

I was itching to go inside, so I acted real urgent-like about it and told him I'd check it out pronto:
The Tricksters - Shows - Coast to Coast AM

Shared via AddThis

I haven't had the time to listen to the stream yet, but I'm really looking forward to
putting the pieces together. I looked up the book he was referring to and this is the author, Rochelle Moore:







I'm not sure what it all means, but Lee is definitely into the mystical realm of existence. If I can pin down which book he is interested in, and it's available on Amazon I will definitely get it.

Lee cracks me up so much! He is always asking me to search for bizarre stuff on the internet for him, and he scours the South Knoxville library's adult non-fiction section, which probably consists of fewer than a few thousand books.

6/19/2008 Professional Stunt POW Romeo

My neighbor Lee just left my house and I am stunned. Anyone who knows him or has read my blog posts about him know just how insane this is going to be.

Ok. The following are some things Lee shared with us regarding his past experiences.

In 1974 Lee was stuck in some sort of post-Vietnam POW camp being held by a group of enemies, one being John Belushi. He said he was tortured and raped, including an assault by a woman who became pregnant with twins.
"I didn't know nothin' 'bout 'em till I wuz a lookin' at a Playboy and saw 'em. They's Asian-lookin' with a bunch uh tatoos an' shit all up 'ere legs. An that's th' first I'd ever even knowed they's alive!"

He then looked gravely serious and almost yelled

"MY DAUGHTERS!" (Pointing to his chest) "They's MY twin daughters!"

You called them, Lee! I guess they're yours!



Lee saw the other captives being cut open and fed to the tigers and he knew that his turn was coming, so one day when he was chained to the floor, he asked John Belushi to allow him to go to the river and wash off because he had pooped himself. Stupidly, John agreed and because Lee has a "hidden lung", he was able to swim underwater to his safety.

When he managed to get onto an airplane departing to the US, he started making calls and arrangements. He found out that David Letterman, Robin Williams, George W. Bush and Terry Bradshaw were traitors and were trying to abandon these American prisoners in Cambodia. He then described his retaliation against said traitors.

Lee said that he drove to New York city and tracked Letterman down while he was driving, then rear ended him at a busy 4-way intersection going 65 mph. He said that Dave had whip-lash real bad and he crawled out of the car because he was afraid it was going to explode.

Robin Williams didn't have such an easy payback. Lee knew some "black guards who wuz on the aircraft carrier when I wuz, one of em's name wuz 'Foots'" Evidently Foots was ordered by Lee to "shishcabob" Robin Williams till he cried. I will let you figure that out for yourself.

Lee then began his quest of kidnapping of G.W Bush which involved knocking him out and putting him in some sort of pet crate, then loading him onto a moving truck. While on the truck Lee forced G.W to write a letter pardoning him for breaking a few rules, then sealed the letter with his wax stamp, then sent it to England "cuz I've been knighted an I knew they wuz on my side".

I think Terry Bradshaw's punishment is still pending. All I can say is this:
"Terry Bradshaw;
I don't know what you look like or what your life's accomplishments are; I don't know if you have a wife and family, or if you are respected in your realm. What I DO know is that there is a man out there who might just come after you one day, attack and maybe kill you for something that couldn't possibly have happened. Don't live your life in fear, but be careful about your public appearances and use good judgment with fans. This man said that he might make Halloween masks of himself, G.W Bush, and you and sell them as a 'The Good, the Bad and the Ugly' costume. He said you were 'The Ugly'"

Lee also made me youtube a few car commercials in which he was the "professional stunt driver". The first one is a semi-current Lexus commercial with a ball bearing on the hood, the second one was a 2005 Cheverolet commercial with cars driving up onto a transfer truck, and the third was a brand new Lincoln MK5 (?) spot with a guy (himself) driving the car in a hangar as if it were a jet. . He insisted that he was the driver, and was really excited about seeing them and saying "LOOK at what I do here!!, NO SHIT man! That's ME!"

Earlier today I was getting in my car getting ready to go grocery shopping when Lee appeared in my driveway to see what was up. I asked him if he needed anything from Kroger and he said that he wanted to come along with me.

We shopped around for a while and after he was through he joined Fox and I and just walked along the aisles with us. Halfway down the international aisle Lee approached a lady and asked her if three, 3 karat diamonds were big. The lady looked at him in confusion, not understanding the grammatical inconsistencies of his query. He pointed at her ring and asked

"What's that 'un? Like 2 or 3 karats?"

She chuckled and said in a very matter of fact way

"Um, no, this one isn't even a karat"

Lee sighed dramatically and turned to me (CRINGE) and said

"Oh hell! I've spent a fortune ain't I? [towards the woman] See, I bought this lady a ring with three, 3 karat, Canary diamonds on it, and I ain't even seen it yet. I won't see whut I bought till she comes here tuh live with me next year, I guess"

Almost speechless, the lady replied in a forced giggle; "YES! Hahahah, Yes you have!" And then she wheeled off asap.