6/19/2008 Professional Stunt POW Romeo

My neighbor Lee just left my house and I am stunned. Anyone who knows him or has read my blog posts about him know just how insane this is going to be.

Ok. The following are some things Lee shared with us regarding his past experiences.

In 1974 Lee was stuck in some sort of post-Vietnam POW camp being held by a group of enemies, one being John Belushi. He said he was tortured and raped, including an assault by a woman who became pregnant with twins.
"I didn't know nothin' 'bout 'em till I wuz a lookin' at a Playboy and saw 'em. They's Asian-lookin' with a bunch uh tatoos an' shit all up 'ere legs. An that's th' first I'd ever even knowed they's alive!"

He then looked gravely serious and almost yelled

"MY DAUGHTERS!" (Pointing to his chest) "They's MY twin daughters!"

You called them, Lee! I guess they're yours!



Lee saw the other captives being cut open and fed to the tigers and he knew that his turn was coming, so one day when he was chained to the floor, he asked John Belushi to allow him to go to the river and wash off because he had pooped himself. Stupidly, John agreed and because Lee has a "hidden lung", he was able to swim underwater to his safety.

When he managed to get onto an airplane departing to the US, he started making calls and arrangements. He found out that David Letterman, Robin Williams, George W. Bush and Terry Bradshaw were traitors and were trying to abandon these American prisoners in Cambodia. He then described his retaliation against said traitors.

Lee said that he drove to New York city and tracked Letterman down while he was driving, then rear ended him at a busy 4-way intersection going 65 mph. He said that Dave had whip-lash real bad and he crawled out of the car because he was afraid it was going to explode.

Robin Williams didn't have such an easy payback. Lee knew some "black guards who wuz on the aircraft carrier when I wuz, one of em's name wuz 'Foots'" Evidently Foots was ordered by Lee to "shishcabob" Robin Williams till he cried. I will let you figure that out for yourself.

Lee then began his quest of kidnapping of G.W Bush which involved knocking him out and putting him in some sort of pet crate, then loading him onto a moving truck. While on the truck Lee forced G.W to write a letter pardoning him for breaking a few rules, then sealed the letter with his wax stamp, then sent it to England "cuz I've been knighted an I knew they wuz on my side".

I think Terry Bradshaw's punishment is still pending. All I can say is this:
"Terry Bradshaw;
I don't know what you look like or what your life's accomplishments are; I don't know if you have a wife and family, or if you are respected in your realm. What I DO know is that there is a man out there who might just come after you one day, attack and maybe kill you for something that couldn't possibly have happened. Don't live your life in fear, but be careful about your public appearances and use good judgment with fans. This man said that he might make Halloween masks of himself, G.W Bush, and you and sell them as a 'The Good, the Bad and the Ugly' costume. He said you were 'The Ugly'"

Lee also made me youtube a few car commercials in which he was the "professional stunt driver". The first one is a semi-current Lexus commercial with a ball bearing on the hood, the second one was a 2005 Cheverolet commercial with cars driving up onto a transfer truck, and the third was a brand new Lincoln MK5 (?) spot with a guy (himself) driving the car in a hangar as if it were a jet. . He insisted that he was the driver, and was really excited about seeing them and saying "LOOK at what I do here!!, NO SHIT man! That's ME!"

Earlier today I was getting in my car getting ready to go grocery shopping when Lee appeared in my driveway to see what was up. I asked him if he needed anything from Kroger and he said that he wanted to come along with me.

We shopped around for a while and after he was through he joined Fox and I and just walked along the aisles with us. Halfway down the international aisle Lee approached a lady and asked her if three, 3 karat diamonds were big. The lady looked at him in confusion, not understanding the grammatical inconsistencies of his query. He pointed at her ring and asked

"What's that 'un? Like 2 or 3 karats?"

She chuckled and said in a very matter of fact way

"Um, no, this one isn't even a karat"

Lee sighed dramatically and turned to me (CRINGE) and said

"Oh hell! I've spent a fortune ain't I? [towards the woman] See, I bought this lady a ring with three, 3 karat, Canary diamonds on it, and I ain't even seen it yet. I won't see whut I bought till she comes here tuh live with me next year, I guess"

Almost speechless, the lady replied in a forced giggle; "YES! Hahahah, Yes you have!" And then she wheeled off asap.