8/4/2008 Very Bad Smell

Something died outside my house and I don't know what to do about it. The stink is awful, but finding it might be even worse than the stench. Quite frankly I haven't any idea where I would begin looking; the creature could be anywhere in my immediate vicinity. Not inside my house or anything, but anywhere on the .88 acre surrounding my home.

I thought about replacing the roundup Jason uses with febreeze, but gawd only knows what crazy reaction may occur. Febreeze is bad news anyway and I don't think anyone is fooled by it's chemical aroma. I have never been one for air fresheners anyway. Somehow I think that the only corrective measure would involve fire and a respirator mask.

I keep hoping that I will wake up and find the air as fresh as it normally is (which is 'not-so-fresh' here in the East Tennessee, coal-fired valley) but as biology would dictate it will only continue to get worse and worse until one day, probably in the refrigerator temperatures of December.

Why am I surrounded by awful smells of late? If a skunk isn't waging war on the feral cat community, it's a shittious diaper. And if it isn't a diaper it's the compost I forgot about before I left town for a week. Not the compost? Then it's my husband's New Balance tennis shoes that he has never worn socks with, then left under a pile of damp socks (which he wears without shoes in the out-of-doors). The noxious paint thinner fumes coming from my work space suddenly seem pleasant and evoke memories of past jobs in churches and theaters. Even my husband's truck has a nostalgic odor about it. Normally I refuse to ride in it because of the acetone/mildew scent, but lately it burns my eyes with familiarity, not with chemistry. Exhaust doesn't bother me. My cat's litter box really isn't that bad. I could very likely use it as an air freshener if I could just figure out where that dead thing is, and hang it above it.

Without an end in sight I have given up hope of opening my windows to a fresh cut, perfumey smell. Now I would settle for the vapid scent of rotting wood, or an otherwise disagreeable whiff of burning hair and TNT. There isn't enough arm and hammer in the world to erase what is happening in the woods behind my house, but if anyone has any suggestions I would appreciate it.

And fire, unfortunately isn't an option.

I don't like posting blogs without pictures, so here's something that doesn't stink


It may leave you wondering how I got arnold schwarzenegger's left arm, though.